Haters are everywhere, and all they do is bring you down! Who is that good for? No one, and that’s why it’s so important that we each learn how to deal with haters.
All of us here are after a common goal. We want to grow. We want to develop and succeed. To quote Thoreau, we want “to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life”! Haters get in the way of this.
What should we do about it?
Sadly, those closest to us aren’t always as supportive as we’d like them to be. Often the people who bring us down and condemn us are the very people we spend the most time with! And in many cases, we have to publicly stick our necks out in order to grow and succeed, which leaves us painfully vulnerable.
In situations like these – and many others – it’s imperative that we learn how to deal with haters. (How else could we grow?) And here are 5 powerful lessons to help you do just that.
5 Powerful Lessons on How to Deal with Haters
Keep doing what you’re doing, just maybe in a different place.
Creating a hater means you’ve done something so powerful that it made someone stop what they were doing and focus on you.
You stopped someone from being selfish! You should get an award, not an insult. But what actually happened is that this person let you get under their skin. And though it’s important to consider others’ wisdom, it’s defeating to let someone else’s actions dictate your own.
If you let haters get under your skin and change what you’re trying to accomplish, you’d be letting them do the same thing to you that they let you do to them! That won’t help you grow; that will only tear you down.
You have to stay strong. You have to keep doing what you’re doing, because you know that’s how you will succeed! Although, it might be worth your time to reconsider where you do what you do.
Haters are created by conflict. It could be jealousy, ideology, or any of a number of things, but haters come when something doesn’t line up properly.
For instance, a pro-Trump post on an LGBT forum would likely create a lot of conflict, and a lot of haters. It’s not a good fit! But a pro-Trump post to a group of investment bankers would likely create praise and agreement.
Politics aside, having haters doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done anything wrong. What it does mean is that you’ve done something in conflict with that particular audience, or in conflict with a particular member of that audience.
Conflict or backlash can be a good sign. It might mean you’ve done something to pique interest and emotion. Well done, keep going! But perhaps, if the conflict is overwhelming, you should remove yourself from that group or from that audience.
Face in-person haters head on.
Sometimes the people you’re in close contact with – like coworkers, or even friends and family – won’t be your biggest fans. In fact, they might downright detest you. And who really knows why?
Maybe they’re jealous because you’re doing well. Maybe you’re working when they’re relaxing, and that makes them feel resentful. Or maybe they’re upset because your personal goals and efforts don’t align with what they envisioned for you.
If someone has a problem with what you’re doing, truthfully, it’s their problem. Unfortunately, you still have to deal with it.
In these situations, it’s very tempting to try and ignore the haters. So long as you’re not doing anything wrong, what do you have to worry about, right?
But because you’re in such close quarters with them, ignoring the problem doesn’t always help. In fact, it often makes the situation worse!
As you bottle that aggression, it weighs on you. Your stress increases, affecting everything else you do. And tensions run hotter and hotter until something snaps!
No one wants that. There are no winners, and the entire thing can be avoided, if you approach it head on.
Preferably in private, politely ask your hater why it is they hate you. If the person is hostile and won’t open up, then you’ve done all you can. There might be room for another attempt or two, but it takes two people to resolve a feud. If they’re not willing to compromise, very little can be done.
However, if they are willing to open up, maybe you can both learn something. They can learn how much their hostility is hurting you, and there might be something you can work on as well – like boasting or degrading – that will allow others to become more fond of you.
Trying to run away from your haters doesn’t work very well when you have to see them every day. So with a level head, face your haters directly, and put a concerted effort into making it work. That way everyone wins.
If it’s online, ignore it or delete it.
Taking a line from Kevin (Kal Penn) in How I Met Your Mother, “Just because something needs to be said, doesn’t always mean it needs to be heard.”
Often when we’re trying to grow, we need to be active online. This opens us up to a world of terror! As bloggers, entrepreneurs, networkers, or anyone with a cause, we will inevitably share our personality and our opinions. Not everyone with fall in love with us, particularly the trolls.
For whatever reason, there’s this hive of scum and villainy on the internet that loves to hate. The worst is when it’s disguised as help. People want to correct you, and heaven forbid they admit it’s because they want to be right instead of saying they want you to “get your facts straight.”
On other occasions, people are just mean. But just because these people feel the need to express themselves so destructively, doesn’t mean you need to hear it.
Chances are, whatever your haters have to say will not build you up. So delete it. It’s online, and you probably have some control over what gets displayed, particularly if it’s on your website or post.
Paying attention to others trying to tear you down isn’t going to help you – or anyone else. If they aren’t adding value to the conversation, they shouldn’t be a part of it!
Trying to reason with haters will make it worse. People only hear what they want to hear. If someone’s looking for an argument, they’ll find one, and they’ll ruin your day in the process.
Learning how to deal with haters comes with establishing boundaries. Someone who’s attacking you is deliberately crossing your boundaries, and that fire needs to be put out ASAP.
Let them fuel you to work harder.
When learning how to deal with haters, it’s important to remember that they do not control you. You control yourself.
When someone’s being obnoxious or hurtful to you, you get to choose how to respond. So let it fuel you. Success is the best revenge, after all. Use whatever emotion these haters give you as motivation to work harder, smarter, and to go further.
Some people will be belligerent for their own selfish gain, or to cover up their own insecurities. Often, people say and do things without even realizing they’re in the wrong! In situations like these, you can actually help your haters.
You know the phrase, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Be the example you’d want your haters to follow. They already pay attention to you! Show them how it should be done, and how they should treat people.
Funnel your haters’ negative energy to work harder, learn more, continue developing, and to become the successful, respectable example those haters need in their lives.
Learn how to deal with haters without getting cocky.
Learning how to deal with haters appropriately will not give you the right to become rude or arrogant in return. Taking the high road and making something of yourself should also be accompanied by empathy and respect.
Throughout life – especially the more you grow and succeed – there will be people who try to bring you down. Your goal should be to remove those people from your life when necessary, to replace them with positive and helpful influences, and to learn to work in harmony when separation isn’t an option.
Being more successful or knowledgeable doesn’t make you a better person. And if you think it does, you’re no better than your haters! As someone who wants to continually develop and succeed, it’s also your responsibility to help others do the same.
Maybe this is the most important lesson of all when learning how to deal with haters! Keep your head level.
Haters will come and go in all stages of life, whatever you choose to do. And so learning how to deal with haters is crucial! Following these 5 lessons will help you do just that.
They will help you confront the bad when necessary, to remove negative influences, and to bolster positive ones. In time, implementing these 5 powerful lessons on how to deal with haters will help you become the person you dream of being, and so much more.